A couple of funnies below for the cat lovers out there passed on to me by Firefly.
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some
outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying
mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to
change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion
to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in
which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just
taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for
the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top
that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum
amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to
stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do
something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will,
therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and
take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of
light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in
any given room.
Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest
possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times
the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of
the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the midsection
of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of
milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of
effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Antimatter + It Doesn't Matter.
Dogs' letters to God:
Dear God, How come people love to smell flowers, but hardly ever smell each other? Where are their priorities?
Dear God, When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Dear God, If a dog barks all night in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God, If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?
Dear God, Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?
Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle from across the street!
Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands and beg to get in?
Dear God, Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can't make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it that thing with the carpets again?
Dear God, Can you undo what that veterinarian did to me?!?
Cat's letter to God:
Dear God,
Do you exist? Just curious. I don't really care.
Posted by Arcterex at December 02, 2002 11:10 PM