Beer Warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra. (Apparently this has happened to several people?!)
2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an ass hole.
4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends leave.
5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
11. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
12. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
13. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
14. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

Thanks Brian!



Posted by Arcterex at July 17, 2003 02:51 PM